Finding a Therapist is Like Dating
Hello! Happy Monday!
We are solidly into the New Year! How has it been treating you so far? Remember, even if you haven’t made moves towards your intentions or resolutions yet, we still have 11.5 months to go in 2023!
The new year is often a time that people give therapy a shot. I have heard so many stories from my clients and people in my life of terrible first experiences going to therapy. So, let’s talk about how you can find the best therapist for you and not make it so terrible! Therapy is actually pretty similar to dating. Bare with me while I make that connection:
Like dating in this year 2023, we start with the internet. There are a ton of ways to locate available therapists that are licensed in your state online.
If you want to utilize your health insurance:
You can search for available therapists on your insurance’s website.
You can use referral websites like Psychology Today, TherapyDen, Welltrack Connect, therapist.com.
Google search “Therapists in network with *Insert your insurance provider here*”.
If you can afford out-of-network* therapy:
You can still use the referral websites listed above.
You can google “therapists near me”.
Learn about telehealth only websites (BetterHelp, Teledoc, Talkspace, etc).
*learn more about out-of-network reimbursement through your insurance company in a later blog post!
We all know that we get to the point in online dating that we delete the apps and give up a while. Here are some non-internet options!
Ask around! The people in your life that have therapists are likely more than willing to talk about their own experiences with therapists.
Talk to your Primary Care Physician/doctors office/pharmacy.
If you are in school guidance counselors, nurses, social workers, and counseling centers have referral lists to help!
At this point we have hopefully compiled a list of therapists that we want to reach out to! We are now entering the “therapist shopping” stage, very similar to the “talking” stage, previously known as “dating”.
We can contact each of the therapists we find and ask as many questions as we need to get a sense of who they are and how they practice, even before we have our first session with them! — We need to make sure the people we are talking to aren’t serial killers, kidnappers, or completely unethical, right??
Remember knowledge is power and the more we know about our options, the better choices we can make for ourselves – Something that we should really remember when we date too.
We can ask questions like:
How would you describe your relationship with your clients?
What modalities do you utilize in session?
What is the average age of your clients?
What do the letters after your name mean? (LCSW?? LPC?? LMFT?? - they may even have other letters that follow their name that you can ask about!)
Where have you worked previously? Have you worked with people with similar stuff to mine?
What is your fee? Do you offer a sliding scale? Do you offer receipts for reimbursement?
Now we have a bit more of an idea of who these therapist’s are and what it would be like to work with them. Now it’s time for a first date/initial consultation/session. We can consult with as many therapists as we want during this stage, we aren’t committing to an exclusive relationship quite yet!
Things to think about during the first phone call or face-to-face interaction:
Do I feel comfortable enough to be open, honest, and vulnerable with this therapist?
Do I feel like this therapist was focusing on me and my needs/desires?
Did I feel judged by this therapist in any way?
Is there anything that is giving me the ick in this initial interaction?
Is what they are saying matching up to previous information I already knew about them?
What else is important to me in a therapeutic relationship and is this therapist providing it?
And finally, what if you pick a therapist and in a few weeks/months/years you recognize the therapist you picked isn’t doing it for you anymore? Talk to them! As therapists we love when clients communicate their needs! We understand that not everyone is for everyone and you have every permission to look for a better fit. – We wouldn’t stay in a relationship that wasn’t serving us anymore, would we?? (if your answer to that question is yes, you would, please start reading this post from the beginning and go from there!)
Similar to dating, the process of finding a therapist can feel time consuming and occasionally unpleasant. But there is absolutely a therapist out there for you that will bring you what you are looking for!
Tune in next week to figure out what you do in therapy once you find a therapist!
Virtually yours,
Sara Barber